That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so let's talk penis.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
