dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
