i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
