So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You took a bar mat shot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize