I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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