he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You ate ashes out of my bong
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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