i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
