Plan B is the new Plan A
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
