I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my liver is dry heaving
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