I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
