3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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