Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
