all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
