Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
