it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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