i don't plan on having that self control this summer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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