You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
