It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
