My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
