He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize