HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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