the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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