My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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