If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
