I must be too annoying 4 u.
plz talk dirty to me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I see more hoeing in ur future
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
