woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
