I wish i was in the wii world.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
