guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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