dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize