Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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