My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
