She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
