I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
