im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize