Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
