i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
