sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
