u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
