so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
