theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
