I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
