Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
