Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
