Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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