They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
