You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize