yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
