The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
