I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
