Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize