He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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