Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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