The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
