I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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