3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
