My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
