Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
