I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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