Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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