I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
