did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
