carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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