I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
